


Hiccups

by Jemima_Puddleduck



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Hiccups, he just thinks she's adorable, missy wants to fuck his brains out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 11:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemima_Puddleduck/pseuds/Jemima_Puddleduck
Summary: Missy gets the hiccups. It's adorable, and she's clearly not impressed.





	Hiccups

**Author's Note:**

> All cures mentioned are actual hiccup cures I found on the internet. I'm just hoping human cures work for timelord hiccups.

It had been a long established fact that the time lord known as 'The Master' was particularly prone to hiccups. Well, the fact was long established in The Doctor's mind anyway, but he'd probably be slapped into his next regeneration if he dared utter it aloud. The story of the time where The Master had a perfect shot at a Dalek's eyestalk, and ruined it at the last moment with an inopportune hiccup, was therefore one to be left well alone, on pain of death. It was a state that infuriated The Master in every regeneration, especially since The Doctor found it so irresistibly adorable. Missy was, unsurprisingly, no exception to the rule. This is why The Doctor was more cautious than usual on one particular visit to the vault, when he found her pacing around, boot heels clicking against the marble, swearing under her breath with every involuntary shudder. 

"Missy?" He asked, stepping forward gingerly. "Are you alright?"

A tiny 'hic' and hushed swearing in gallifreyan erupted in response.

"Is it hiccups again?" The Doctor probed.

A nod and a hiccup followed. 

"It really hurts in a corset." She whined. "It feels like my chest is going to explode." 

The Doctor blinked furiously to get _that_ image out of his mind before suggesting, "How about taking the corset off?"

Missy physically took a step back, scandalised, as if The Doctor had just asked her to take all of her clothes off and run down the street. 

"Okay. Don't do that then." He sighed. "A lot of humans say holding your breath works, you could try that one."

A viciously hiccuping Missy nodded and took a deep breath in. Her face flushed with the effort. After a minute, she began to gasp and splutter. 

"I can't do it." She coughed, hiccuping at the same time. "My respiratory bypass engaged and I couldn't stop it." 

The Doctor sighed, envisioning a long struggle with a difficult Missy.  "Drink water upside down." He told her. "I know the humans do that one."

"I beg your pardon?"

"They stand on their heads and sip water, it's supposed to stop them." The Doctor explained. Missy simply hiccuped again. After a few minutes, she was very reluctantly balanced on her head while The Doctor fed her small sips of water. 

"I think this is the strangest thing we've ever done." He mused. 

Missy glared back, hiccuping angrily. "However strange it is, it's not helping."

"Wait there." He smirked, reaching for the mobile phone Bill insisted he kept with him. He found her number easily (she was the only contact) and dialled.

"Hello, Bill? I need a cure for hiccups." He said cheerily. "Yes, I know I'm not. I'm helping someone else. No of course it's not Nardole, his lungs aren't real." 

Missy shot him a warning glare from upside down. The Doctor gulped. "No." He replied cautiously. "Whatever you're thinking, it isn't her." 

Missy's glare deepened. He listened for a few more minutes before hanging up. 

"She says to put an ice pack over your diaphragm." The Doctor relayed.

"Are you mad? No, no way. I think they've stopped anyway." She said, a hint of relief in her voice as put her feet down daintily from her strange position and straightened up. 

"What are you doing? I said to wait there." The Doctor chastised.

"It doesn't matter, they've stopped." Missy frowned.

"I know. I just like seeing you in stupid situations. Makes up for all the times you tried to kill me." He smirked. She stared at him indignantly, hands on her hips and her eyes boring into his back as he took her empty glass back to the kitchen. 

Missy sat heavily in her armchair, relieved, and listened to The Doctor pottering about. She secretly loved the domestic element of The Doctor coming to look after her, she found it to be a welcome change of pace from her previous life of passionate destruction. She heard a chink of the glasses, the clatter of plates from yesterday's meal, and then suddenly, 'hic'. 

"Oh no." Came a small voice from across the vault. Missy actually cackled, almost witch-like in her glee. She was on her feet in seconds, never being one to miss an opportunity to mock The Doctor. 

He turned to see her leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe, radiating a sense of smug only found in the most spoilt of house cats. 

"Come to gloat?" He grumbled, hiccupping as he spoke. 

"No, I've come to cure you." She said. He raised a dramatic eyebrow. "I heard of a case of hiccups cured with an orgasm."

"You're making that up." 

"Scout's honour." She promised, giving a small salute. 

"Gallifrey never had scouts." He frowned, crossing his arms and hiccuping adorably.

"It's either that or we try out the study where hiccups were cured using rectal massage." Her lip quirked into a small smile at his horrified reaction.

"I'll take the orgasm thanks." He replied, wide-eyed. 

"I thought as much, come on then." She grinned impishly, dragging him from the room.


End file.
